• Ignored your feelings
• Ridiculed or insulted men as a group
• Ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, heritage, or class
• Withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment
• Continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you
• Humiliated you in private or public
• Refused to socialize with you
• Kept you from working, controlled the money, made all major decisions
• Refused to work or share money
• Taken car keys or money away from you
• Regularly threatened to leave or told you to leave
• Threatened to hurt you or a family member
• Punished or deprived the children when angry at you
• Threatened to kidnap the children if you left
• Abused, tortured, or killed pets to hurt you
• Harassed you about affairs she imagined you were having
• Manipulated you with lies and contradictions
• Destroyed furniture, punched holes in walls, broken appliances
• Wielded a gun in a threatening way

• Do you often doubt your own judgment or wonder if you are crazy?
• Are you often afraid of your partner?
• Do you express your opinion less and less freely?
• Have you developed fears of other people?
• Do you tend to see others less often?
• Do you spend a lot of time watching for your partner's bad, and not-so-bad, moods before bringing up a subject?
• Do you ask your partner's permission to spend money, take classes, or socialize with friends?

• I am frightened of my partner's temper.
• I am often compliant because I am afraid to hurt my partner's feelings.
• I am often afraid of partner's anger.
• I have the urge to rescue my partner because my partner is troubled.
• I find myself apologizing to her or to others for her behavior when she has treated me badly.
• I have been hit, kicked, shoved, punched, bit, spit at or had things thrown at me by my partner when she was jealous or angry.
• I make decisions about activities and friends based on what my partner wants or how my partner will react.
• My partner drinks or uses drugs.

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• Shame

  "What will people think if they knew I let a woman beat up on me?" ."I don't want to be laughed at; no one would believe me."

• Self-Worth

  "I probably deserved it."

• Denial

  "I can handle it, it's not that bad."
  "All I have to do is leave the house until she cools down.

• Reluctance to Give Up the Good

  "She is really a creative, or loving, or wonderful person most of the time."
  "She doesn't mean to be this way it's PMS, the kids giving her a hard time etc."

• Inertia

  "It's too hard to do anything."
  "I'm not ready for that much change in my life."
  "I'll do it tomorrow, or later, when I'm not so busy."
  

If a number of these factors are true in your relationship, there is a problem. Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life - all cultures, all income groups, all ages, all religions. They also come in both sexes. They share feelings of helplessness, isolation, guilt, fear, and shame. Victims are also men of violent relationships.

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Many men cope with being abused by taking on a macho "I can handle it" attitude.

Even if you have been hurt much worse on an athletic playing field, that is not the same thing as being physically attacked by your intimate partner, which hurts emotionally as well as physically. Allowing this pattern to continue can result in depression, substance abuse, and loss of confidence, even suicide..

Men typically face a greater degree of disbelief and ridicule than do most women in this situation, which helps enforce the silence. Domestic violence victims make excuses for injuries that show ("It was an accident" or "it happened while playing sports") when friends or medical personnel ask about them.

Abusers are expert at making victims feel no one is on their side., which is a self-fulfilling prophecy--the more you withdraw from friends and family to protect your partner, the less other people will be able to help you by confirming your experiences.

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