Advocates Against Family Violence

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Here's How You'll Know...


Positive signs include the following:

He has stopped being violent or threatening to you or others.


He acknowledges that his abusive behavior is wrong.

He understands that he does not have the right to control and dominate you.

You don't feel afraid when you are with him.

He does not coerce or force you into having sex when you don't want to.

You can express anger toward him without feeling intimidated.

He does not make you feel responsible for his anger or frustration.

He respects your opinion even if he doesn't agree with it.

He respects your right to say "no."

You can negotiate without being humiliated and belittled by him.

You don't have to ask permission to go out, go to school, get a job, or take other independent actions.

He listens to you and respects what you have to say.

He recognizes that he is not "cured" and that changing his behavior, attitudes, and beliefs is a lifelong process.

He no longer does                              (fill in the blank with any behavior that used to precede his violence, manipulation, or emotional abuse).

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Signs of manipulation include the following:

He tries to invoke sympathy from you or your family and friends.

He is overly charming, reminds you of all the good time you've had together.
He tries to buy you back with romantic gifts, dinners, flowers, etc.
He tries to seduce you when you're vulnerable.
He uses veiled threats - to take the kids away, to cut off financial support, to quit attending a batterer's program.
His promises to change do not match his behavior.


Educate yourself on the warning signs of "abusive" behavior.
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Enter and exit relationships by decision rather than default.